Normal Happenstance
by Sundowhn
Summary: This is a "what if" story about Nightcrawler. Because of the way he looked as well as his personality, Kurt Wagner was an X-Man through and through. He didn't have the luxury that other team members did as far as having a life outside of that. What if he had tried to create a secret life apart from the X-Men?
1. Chapter 1

___Continuity-wise, the story starts about mid-way in the Nightcrawler solo series._

_The characters are the property of Marvel. I don't own the X-Men, and I make nothing from this._

_A special thanks to the posters on the Nightcrawler Appreciation thread on CBR forums for the loan of some of their personality traits, and thanks to M. Hammerman whose insight has helped immensely on this little project._

_**Chapter One**_

_September 5th, 2005, New Orleans, Louisiana_

Kurt slogged through the detritus and muck that covered the once great city of New Orleans. Hurricane Katrina had wreaked havoc here, so much so that it was being called the wrath of God by some. He didn't believe that. At least he didn't _think_ he believed it. Surely a loving God would not punish the innocent along with the guilty? Well, there _was_ the story of Noah, and the plight of the Israelites, and the persecution of early Christians, and...Kurt shook his head. It was better to not dwell on all that. Lately, his faith was shaky at best. There was no need to taunt the tiger, so to speak.

When Father Maddigan called and pleaded for his help, Kurt couldn't very well refuse, not that he had wanted to. If he couldn't use his abilities to help those truly in need, what good were they? He'd taken the next flight to Louisiana and had been here for the past several days, working alongside everyone else in the rescue and clean-up effort.

Kurt had worried about what type of reception he might receive. He'd been afraid that people might be adverse to the presence of someone who looked like he did, but his fears were not borne out. He'd only gotten a few surprised looks, and the rest was gratitude that one of the 'famous' X-Men would take the time to come and help with the ordinary efforts of picking up the pieces of lives ransacked by natural disaster. He was humbled by the experience, and it made him realize how much the X-Men had isolated themselves from the rest of the world. That was something he'd speak to Scott about when he returned.

So now, here he was, not in his uniform with the clearly marked 'X' on the chest, but in a t-shirt and shorts, with oversized rubber boots on his feet. Sweat ran into his eyes as well as down his back. He reached up and adjusted the red bandana he'd tied on to keep his hair back from his face, then took a long drink of bottled water.

"How is it coming along, Kurt?"

Father Maddigan joined him, smiling and fanning his face in the heat. The good padre had eschewed his own uniform as well, leaving off the trappings of his office in favor of practical work clothes. The man had to be in his sixties, but he was still fit, and was putting in the same twelve to fourteen hour work days that everyone else did.

"Very vell, Father, though it seems ve make little progress." Kurt gestured at the miserable scene around them.

"One step at a time, that's all we can do. And I've told you to call me Kevin."

"_Ja_, I remember." Kurt smiled.

"I suppose this is a far cry from your more glamorous day job?" Kevin said with a small chuckle.

"Oh, I don't know Fa...Kevin. I like being vhere I'm needed, und I am far more needed here, right now, than back in New York." Kurt wasn't entirely sure about that, even as he said it. Ororo had him working on certain paranormal projects lately, and he'd been staying fairly busy. However, this situation took precedence, and she'd understood when he begged a few days leave.

"Well, there's certainly plenty you can do here, my boy. With your gifts, you've been an incredible help and I'm sure..."

Father Maddigan was interrupted mid-sentence by, "Hey yo!"

Kurt looked in the direction of the voice and saw the head and shoulders of a teen-aged boy poking up from behind a sand bag barrier. The boy waved his arm at them and yelled again, "Hey you, blue guy, I could use some help!"

Kurt's lips thinned in a wry smile at the appellation. "I guess he means me."

Father Maddigan chuckled, replying, "I expect _she_ does. Come along, I'll introduce you."

"She?" Kurt looked again, as they walked towards the barrier. The person in question stood up, and Kurt could see that it was, indeed, female.

The woman was wearing a baseball cap and he could see short, rusty-brown tufts of hair sticking out from under it. She had cargo pants rolled up to the knee and work boots along with a black tank top bearing the logo of the _New Jersey Devils_. She was covered in filth, but for a clear area from the elbows down, where she'd apparently just washed off. She stood with her hands propped on her hips and waited for them.

"Hi there," she said smiling, looking at Kurt with direct brown eyes. _Hmm_, Kurt thought, _with this reaction, you'd think she saw furry blue men with a devil's tail every day of her life._

"_Guten tag_." He returned the smile.

"You must be Kevin's friend, the X-Man. I think I've seen you on TV before."

"_Ja_, I am."

Father Maddigan smiled and gestured to each of them in turn. "This is Kurt Wagner, and he's been good enough to take time away from his duties and come to help. Kurt, this is Melinda Dabrowski. She's down here from Newark for the clean-up effort."

"It's a pleasure, Fräulein."

"Likewise. So, you're the one that can poof around places, right?"

"Vell, it's called teleporting, but _ja_."

Melinda shrugged at the correction. "Can you get me to that rooftop over there?" She pointed in the distance, where Kurt could see a group of people huddled on the roof of a three story building.

"_Ja_, certainly, but vouldn't it be better if I just 'port the people to safety?"

"In theory yeah, but they're still trying to find a place to put everybody, so those folks need to sit tight a little longer. We can take them some supplies and medical care, though." She reached down to pick up a first aid kit with one hand and a package of bottled water with the other. She prodded a plastic bag with the toe of her boot. "You wanna grab that? I've got my hands full."

He did as she asked then put his hand on her arm for the jump. He caught an unpleasant whiff of something. "_Phew_, vhat is that smell?"

"There's a busted septic tank over there." Melinda gestured with her chin. "I was trying to help close it off earlier, for all the good it did. Just hold your nose."

Shaking his head, he added his token teleportation warning. "The ride is normally rough for passengers, I apologize in advance."

_BAMF_

They reappeared on the roof, in the midst of survivors.

Melinda coughed and leaned on her knees in momentary dizziness. "And you were complaining about _my_ smell?"

"You get used to it," Kurt replied with a grin. He passed the bag of food to an older man in the group and then started distributing the water. Melinda got to work examining people for injuries.

"Are you a doctor or perhaps a nurse?" Kurt asked, as he watched her apply disinfectant then butterfly adhesives to a nasty cut.

"Neither, I'm a guidance counselor at a high school."

He raised a questioning eyebrow and she grinned up at him. "I was a trained as a medic in the army, figured I might be able to help out here."

"You vere in the army?" He said in surprise. "You don't seem..." He stopped what he was saying, realizing it might be considered offensive.

Melinda quirked her lip. "What, don't I look like the gung-ho, patriotic type?"

"Vell, I suppose," he hesitantly replied, wondering what the right answer was.

She snickered. "I'm not. I wanted college, my family couldn't afford it, so I made a deal with Uncle Sam."

They returned to street level for more supplies, then made their way to the next roof top cluster.

Melinda proved to be efficient and hard-working. She also had a way about her, a directness mixed with compassion, that helped to diffuse some of the near panic they encountered over the course of the day. People didn't _want_ to be told to just sit and wait. They wanted out of here, and they wanted out _now_. Kurt could understand, but he also knew there had to be a safe place to put everyone. They at least had permission to fly out emergency medical cases on a National Guard helicopter; that was something.

The two of them didn't stop for a break until late afternoon, and by that time, they collapsed next to one another in exhaustion, propped against a large stack of dried foodstuffs. Kurt munched on a granola bar, wondering how things were going back at the mansion, before Melinda broke into his thoughts.

"So, Father Kevin says you were studying to be a priest. Why'd you quit?"

The frankness of her question caught him off guard. "I...I don't know. A lot of reasons I suppose." He peered at her with a half-smile. "Vhy, do you think someone who looks like I do vould make a good one?"

She looked him up and down before answering with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, "I think if you stood at a pulpit and preached fire and brimstone, people would listen." She added, "but you're avoiding the question."

He looked off in the distance and smiled. "Maybe."

"Is this where you say it's none of my damn business?"

"_Nein_, I'm not so rude."

She shrugged. "Seriously though, from what I've seen today, you've got a way with people. If you wanted to be a priest, you'd be a good one."

Kurt held up his three-fingered hand. "Do you really think people vant a hand like this giving the benediction?"

Melinda grabbed his wrist and turned his hand this way, then that, making a playful show of examining it before letting go. "Aside from the fact that it needs a good washing, I don't see anything wrong with it." She winked and unwrapped her own cereal bar.

He eyed her. "You know vhat I mean."

"Yeah, I guess. People are pretty funny about things sometimes, but if being a priest is what you wanna do, then you shouldn't let what anyone else thinks change your mind."

"I didn't."

"Oh." She gave him a disgruntled look. "You could've said that to start with."

He just smiled.

"Fine, be that way." She stood and stretched, then reached down to help him up. "C'mon, let's get back to it."

They didn't finish for the night until near eleven, and the next day started by seven in the morning. Every day afterwards was like that. It was an altogether grueling week, but by the time Kurt had to return home, and to his duties as an X-Man, he felt like he'd done something that made a difference.

What he'd done wasn't flashy. There were no impressively evil villains or alien invasions or any of the other myriad things he'd seen and done in his life. There were just ordinary people in need of help, and he had helped them. It was a good feeling, and he sincerely regretted having to leave.

He went to the mess tent that last morning so he could say his goodbyes to all the men and women he'd befriended over the week. Not a single one of them looked at him awry. He was inundated with handshakes, hearty claps on the back, and embraces.

"Great job, Kurt!"

"It was nice meetin' a real X-Man!"

"If them other mutants are like you, then I'd be glad ta meet 'em."

"Couldn't have got so much done without ya, man!"

"Come back and visit the Big Easy once her skirts are straightened out!"

"Wait'll I get home and tell my kids I met Nightcrawler!"

He smiled and nodded, and basked in their acceptance.

He met Father Mattigan as he was exiting the tent. "Kurt, I'm so grateful for all your help!" He draped an arm across Kurt's shoulders. "It's been wonderful to see you again, my boy."

"It's been good to see you as vell, Fath...Kevin," Kurt remembered. "I vish I could stay longer, but I really must return now."

"I understand. You have a nice flight back, and give my regards to Father Nielson in Queens, will you?"

"I vill, of course."

Kurt turned to leave, then saw Melinda leaning against a truck looking at him, her cropped hair flopped across one eye. He walked towards her. They'd ended up working together quite a bit this week. He'd found her easy to talk to, and been pleasantly surprised by it. Maybe it was because the sometimes larger-than-life events and people of his world were mere abstract concepts to someone so far removed from it. Whatever the reason, she was open-minded and possessed a sharp wit that tended to put things into perspective. She had also proven to be a good listener.

"Fräulein Dabrowski." He stood in front of her with his hands in his pockets and smiled.

Giving him a crooked smile, she imitated his formal tone. "Mr. Wagner. Leaving us so soon?"

"_Ja_. I've shirked my other vork long enough, I'm afraid. I need to go back."

She nodded. "The school board gave me leave until the end of the month, then I gotta head home, too." She looked around at the sorry state of the area. "It seems like we've barely made a dent here."

"I think ve've done a fair amount. All of the stranded people have been removed, now it's simply a matter of cleaning up."

"I guess." Melinda looked at him and grinned. "So, you gonna come visit me, Blue? Jersey's practically on your doorstep."

"_Ja_, I'd like that, und you promised you vould write - I vill hold you to it."

"Will do. You better take care of yourself, what with all that super-hero stuff - and stop worrying about everything so much!" She leaned forward and hugged him tight. He returned the embrace and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"_Ja_, I vill keep it in mind."

He walked away, and looking over his shoulder, saw her give a little wave. She had the makings of a good friend, but more romantic entanglements he did _not_ need at this juncture in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two**_

Kurt had plenty of things to occupy his mind once he was home. In addition to his work with the X.S.E. and the regular Gold Team, he had the additional responsibilities of being the team's default paranormal investigator. It wasn't a role he was entirely comfortable with, but he had to admit that he had more knowledge of such things than the others.

His life wasn't all work, however, and even after a week's reprieve, he was no closer to sorting out his feelings regarding more personal issues. He had three emails and one telephone message from Christine waiting for him when he'd arrived, and he didn't miss the coolness from Ororo when she handed him his message, either. Rachel still looked at him with a question in her eyes and, to add fuel to the fire, he was feeling very ambivalent about having seen Amanda again a few weeks ago, and the innuendos she'd dropped. _Ach, why did I forego a life of celibacy? _Kurt thought in frustration. He knew very well why, of course, he just didn't understand how he'd landed himself in such a sticky predicament.

Ororo was on his mind the most. They'd known one another for so long, and had been close friends for many years. Kurt had always been attracted to her - what red-blooded man wouldn't be? What he'd never counted on was that she might feel the same about him. At least that was the impression she'd been giving for several months. Ororo seemed to seek out his company often, and, unless he was vastly mistaken, she looked for reasons to touch him. She had developed the habit of sliding her long fingers down his arm during conversation or she might brush lightly against his body when they trained. Kurt was affectionate by nature, probably stemming from the fact that he had fur, so people had the tendency to want to 'pet' him - but even so, Ororo's behavior seemed to stand out. It was obvious enough that his friends were making jokes behind their hands about it. Of course, the nature of those jokes was that he was Ororo's new favorite pet. Kurt had a hard time stomaching that one. Truthfully, he was having a hard time with this development in general. He found himself feeling a mixture of awe and unaccustomed timidity in Ororo's presence these days. She was his _boss_. She was beautiful and affectionate, but she also had a manner that occasionally made him feel like a young boy, trying too hard to please. _Ach_, what kind of a Neanderthal mentality was that? The fact that she was also spending more and more time with Logan rankled, as well. He was not about to risk either of their friendships by getting into a love triangle.

Then there was Christine. She was equally as lovely, with a sweet, albeit needy, disposition. She didn't try to hide the fact that she wanted more than his friendship, though she didn't overtly push the issue, either. It was far more subtle. She was just _there_. Frequently. And she excelled in finding ways to make herself useful, whether it was by helping him with a case or volunteering as a part-time nurse's assistant for Hank. It seemed like every time he turned around, he was running into her in his own house. It was exasperating, though he _did_, in fact, enjoy her company. He just didn't like being pushed.

Kissing Rachel had simply been something that happened in the heat of the moment, and while she was an incredibly attractive young woman, she was just that - a _young_ woman. Kurt wasn't overly fond of the concept of cradle-robbing, although technically, that wouldn't be the case. Rachel was at least old enough to buy alcohol. What bothered him the most - aside from the look he'd received from both Logan and Ororo when he was caught in the act - was that he'd always felt more of a brotherly protectiveness for Rachel. It wasn't to the same extent as with Kitty, but still, it was there. When they'd all been in Excalibur, especially, Kurt had felt responsible for the well-being of both girls. To step into the role of a potential lover with one of them now was not something he cared to do. It just seemed..._wrong, _like he was betraying a trust_. _He couldn't imagine that things would possibly work out in a relationship between them, and that meant there was a very real risk of losing her friendship. Only he hadn't figured out a way to explain all of this to Rachel, yet. A part of him (a large part), hoped that she would telepathically pick it from his brain, and save him an embarrassing conversation. He felt like such a coward.

Amanda - well she was Amanda. They had so much history together, it was difficult to define his precise feelings. She was family, there was that. He'd grown up with her in the role of an older sister. They'd played together, worked together in the circus, and there were things she knew about him that no one else did. He knew he had her unconditional acceptance. But, when they'd tried several times to make a go of a romantic relationship, things just didn't work out. They were both too independent and stubborn in their expectations. It was pointless to wonder what might have been with her any longer.

So the time to reflect over the past week left him where? Exactly where he'd started.

Normally, when Kurt had something that was bothering him, Logan was his 'go to' person. They'd talk it out over a few beers, or maybe a game of poker. Kurt trusted Logan to both listen, and be honest with whatever opinions he may or may not offer on the subject. Invariably, Kurt felt better after their talks. However, his faltering attempts to discuss this particular dilemma had been met with a knowing look from his friend followed by good-natured laughter. Considering Logan's personal stakes in the situation, it was probably no surprise that he wasn't offering any insight.

Talking to any of the others about this would feel too much like gossip. _Ach_, well, there was little he could do about it. Perhaps it was better to just immerse himself in work and try not to think about it.

* * *

"Mail call!" Bobby yelled from the foyer.

Kurt was just returning from the library, a sheaf of notes in his hand.

"Here, you've got mail." Bobby held out a small stack of envelopes as Kurt walked by.

Kurt added the mail to his notes and returned to his bedroom to sit down and sort through it. _Probably a lot of nothing_, he mused. _Let's see, an offer for free a manicure - don't think so, DVD sale at Blockbuster - sounds promising, JC Penney fall line specials.._. _ah ha! A proper letter!_ He smiled as he saw the New Jersey return address.

_Hiya Blue!_

_It was a nice surprise to find your letter waiting for me when I got home. I admit it, I didn't really believe you'd write. I figured a hot-shot X-Man like you would be too busy. Glad you proved me wrong!_

_I still ended up leaving a mess down there, but I think it'll be months or maybe even years before things are close to normal. At least we both did what we could, rather than just sitting back and watching it on TV._

_How are things with the spandex brigade? It doesn't sound like you're taking my advice about not worrying so much. _

_And I'm a counselor, so you don't even have to ask - I'm glad to listen, any time. To answer your question , though - yeah, you're acting like a Neanderthal. _

_Why should it make any difference if she's your boss or can kick your butt in a fight? Do you want to fight her or date her? I mean, I guess I see the thing about her being in charge - that could get awkward (you can't get fired from the X-Men, can you?). It's kinda messed up that your buddy might be dating her, too. Have you asked him? It sounds to me like you need to sit down and talk to them both._

_Stop worrying about the crap other people say. No matter if you're a super-hero or an average Joe, people are gonna run their mouths about something. Don't let it get to you, or let it make decisions for you._

_If you've already had a talk with your nurse friend, I'm not sure what else you can do about that, at least if you don't want to hurt her feelings._

_Well, I have a ton of paperwork to catch up on. Hope to hear from you again soon. Take care of yourself!_

_ M_

Kurt grinned and shook his head. Trust Melinda to be brutally honest. _Ja_, he should probably talk to both Ororo and Logan, rather than just letting things continue as they were. Certainly nothing had been solved in the interim. Kurt got himself a soda and then composed a reply.

* * *

_Several weeks later_

Kurt was recovering nicely from his encounter with Vermin the week before last. He still ached all over, and Hank said he'd probably carry the scars for the rest of his life, but he was at least alive.

He'd been told it was a close call. Kurt's fever had raged up to 107 and he'd been delirious, with his brain seizing. Emma had to psychically retrieve him, and return his wayward mind to his body. Diligent effort from both Hank and Bobby had taken care of the physical symptoms, but the nightmarish hallucinations Kurt remembered having were not so easy to dispel. As a result, he'd decided it was best to face his past, and maybe get some answers, once and for all. He was planning a trip to Germany as soon as Hank gave him the all clear. But for now, he was going to relax and read his latest letter.

_Hi Blue,_

_You mean there are super villains who make you sick? I thought it was more a thing of smashing people to a pulp or blowing stuff up. I guess that's just what they show on the news. I'm glad you're okay._

_I expect the trip to Germany will do you good. You must get pretty homesick sometimes, though I realize this visit won't be a vacation._

_About those visions you had when you were sick - Kurt, I just don't know where to begin. The things you've been through are awful. Anyone else would be a basket case by now. It says a lot about your inner strength that you've ended up such a good person in spite of everything. _

_The one about the women is pretty self-explanatory. I know you've already talked about your mixed feelings on that. The priest thing you haven't said a lot about, since I went all nosy on you in New Orleans. It was a pretty drastic change, though, to suddenly drop the idea of the priesthood. Knowing in your heart that it is the right thing to do, and giving your head time to get used to the idea are two different things. Maybe that's where it came from._

_The cage and the blood-thirsty crowd - God, it makes me furious that anyone would ever have treated you like anything but the good man you are! I mean, I know the world is cruel and prejudice is everywhere, but still...You're a better person than I am, if you can go through that and still not hate regular humans for what they've done to you. _

_I hope you find the answers you're looking for when you go home, until then, I'll be thinking about you._

_ M_

_P.S. Maybe you'll have time to drop by for dinner when you get back. Tell me your favorite food, and I'll see what I can do._

* * *

_The following month_

The trip to Germany _had_ helped. It had answered some of Kurt's questions, and had put to rest at least some of his inner demons. He wasn't sure how he felt about having a magical sword lodged in his chest, but what could he do? The thing had apparently been there awhile without causing any problems.

He found that he was feeling pretty betrayed that Amanda hadn't bothered to _tell_ him she'd jabbed a demonically created soul sword into him while he was asleep, but then that was just Amanda. It seemed like she was going to take after Margali, after all. They could keep their occult secrets. He really wanted no part of it anymore, and had decided to tell Ororo that he was done with the paranormal investigation.

After settling back in, Kurt decided that what he really wanted to do was have a taste of something normal. To hell with ghosts, mega-villains, rampaging demons and all that other nonsense. At least for one evening, he wanted to forget all of it. He picked up the telephone. It was answered on the third ring.

"'Lo?"

"_Hallo_ Melinda! I'm back from Germany. Does the offer for dinner still stand?"

"Hey! Of course it does. You wanna stop by tonight?"

Kurt could hear the smile in her voice.

"_Ja_, I have the evening free, if it's all right vith you."

"Sure. So what's your favorite food?"

"I'm a meat und potatoes guy," he answered.

"Sounds good to me."

"If you'll give me directions, I'll be over in a few bamfs. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Just yourself, Blue."

Kurt smiled as he hung up the phone. After a quick change, he left for New Jersey.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three**_

Dinner with Melinda had been wonderful, as was the company. Kurt hadn't felt so relaxed in a long time, and they'd stayed up talking until late into the night. The conversation was easy and natural. Kurt told her about everything that had happened in Germany, in all its sordid glory, as well as his rather unpleasant birthday surprise when he returned, and she told him about the various students in her care and her loud and obnoxious - but loving - family.

His visits became a fairly regular occurrence after that, and, over the months, Kurt soon started to treat them as routine. Newark was really only a few jumps away, and he could make it there in no time. He found that he enjoyed having a place to go that was away from the life of an X-Man. He loved the feeling of normalcy at Melinda's apartment, and the everyday little things they did, from chatting about the news, or watching a film, to cooking meals together while they discussed their respective days. She took his abrupt comings and goings in stride. Melinda seemed to think nothing of him showing up unannounced for supper, then staying until the wee hours for one of their talks. If it became too late, and she had work the next day, she'd good-naturedly chase him off. She even started keeping his favorite beer in the refrigerator, just in case he showed up. They had an altogether comfortable friendship, and it filled a space in Kurt's life that he hadn't realized was empty.

He had made the X-Men his life for many years now. Everything he did was built on his identity within the team. He was a man of extremes, and he wasn't capable of doing things in half-way manner. When Kurt decided to dedicate himself to the professor's dream of a world where humans and mutants could live side by side in peace, he'd done it with his whole self. Even during the time when he studied the priesthood, still, he was an X-Man, and when that duty called, he dropped everything to answer. It wasn't just a profession or a lifestyle, it became the focus of his being. That extreme had left him feeling like he was an X-Man first, and a man second. It wasn't exactly a healthy outlook.

He and Melinda continued to exchange letters, as well.

_How's life treating you, Blue? The wine you brought the last time you were down Jersey way was good, where did you say it was from? The Savage Lands? You do visit some interesting places._

_I can't believe you met a bunch of dinosaur people. You know, that's just kinda creepy. I'm glad your friend, Rachel, got better - turning into a lizard must have been a drag - and your explanation of the unseasonable weather we got was a lot better than what I saw broadcasted from the weather bureau. Pop was still pissed that his tomato patch got wiped out - just saying. I hate to think what would happen if Storm got a bad case of PMS. (Do you really call each other by those names?)_

_Tony and I broke up. Yeah, yeah, I know. I can hear the "I told you so" from here. You were right, he was a pig. What is with guys? All of you want a tickle on the old pickle, but don't want any of those pesky feelings getting mixed up with it. Am I just too old-fashioned for words or something, because I think there should be something more first? My brother, Mark, says I'm a prude. Whatever. I got standards. No, I'm not heart-broken or anything. A guy whose idea of romance is season tickets to the Jersey Devil's isn't exactly Prince Charming, you know?_

_I'm glad you talked to your buddy. You guys have been friends too long to let anything come between you._

_Bring some more dinosaur wine next time you visit, if you've got any. See you soon._

_ M_

For most of his life, either by design or default, Kurt was someone his friends went to when they needed a sympathetic ear. He probably knew more about the inner lives and problems of the X-Men than anyone else in the world, except for maybe the professor. He didn't mind - of course he didn't, but it made opening up about his own thoughts and feelings difficult. Barring his occasional discussions with Logan, Kurt was a very private man and generally only bared his soul in the journal he kept. It seemed easier to order his sometimes chaotic thoughts when they were on paper. His letters to Melinda had somehow become an extension of that journal, with the added benefit that he received replies. By the end of the first year, he'd accumulated a decent-sized stack. He kept them all.

Kurt was at Melinda's now for a visit. He'd been off-planet, so it was the first time he'd seen her in a couple of months. The two of them spent half the night catching up.

"I still can't believe you were in outer space! How cool is that?" Melinda exclaimed for the third time, as they sat on the couch.

"_Ja_, it is beautiful. I vish you could see it. The stars - they seem so close that you could reach out and touch them."

She shook her head. "I've only seen pictures, I can't imagine how the reality must be."

"I never grow tired of the sight."

"How many times have you been in space?"

"I've lost count." Kurt chuckled.

"And you said you dated an alien once, right?"

"_Ja_, her name was Cerise. She was Shi'ar."

"What was that like? Was she much like people on Earth?"

"_Ja und nein_. She felt things - emotions - the same as anyone else vould, but there vere some physical differences, and of course cultural."

Melinda seemed to think about that. "You know, Blue, I'm not entirely sure I want to know about the physical differences," she grinned then added, "but what was her culture like?"

He smiled. "They vere a society of varriors. It vas very much a thing of survival of the fittest. The Shi'ar are descended from an avian species, and they are very strong." Kurt had stretched out on the couch and tucked his bare feet under Melinda's curled legs.

"Avian, as in bird...?"

"_Ja_."

"Yeah, okay, I definitely do _not_ want to know how that worked with you two." She grinned and took another swallow of her beer.

Kurt chuckled. "You mean you don't vant to know about the little feathered..."

Melinda interrupted him with an emphatic, "NO!"

He dissolved into laughter. "_Ja, ja_, all right."

"So who's the strangest person you've ever dated?" Kurt looked at her and smiled.

"Well, it certainly wasn't a bird dude." She laughed. "I don't know. I've dated some creeps, but none come to mind as being overly strange."

"I suppose the strange part is left to your choice of friends." Kurt gave a jaw-cracking yawn and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, maybe, but I'd consider you more interesting than strange." Melinda retorted. "I guess it's getting pretty late. What's the jet-lag like after intergalactic travel?"

He giggled. "Pretty bad. I should be headed home, I suppose." He grunted and tried to convince his tired body to cooperate and move off the sofa.

"Why don't you just stay?"

Kurt opened one eye a slit and peered at her. "Stay? Here?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

He opened the other eye. "Uh, I'm not sure that..."

Melinda arched an eyebrow. "What, you think I'm gonna jump your bones and engage in a bunch of inappropriate touching?"

"Vell...I..." Kurt was wide awake now.

Melinda swatted his leg - hard - and grinned. " I'm _not_ Christine. On the couch you doofus!"

"Oh. Of course. I knew that," he replied with dignity.

She giggled and got up to find him a pillow and a blanket.

"Sleep tight."

"You too, Melinda. Danke for the loan of your sofa."

"Any time."

* * *

Kurt's romantic difficulties _had_ been resolved over time.

He and Rachel never had that talk. Kurt assumed that she indeed picked his thoughts up, at least enough to know that a relationship wasn't something he wanted to pursue with her. While they were off-planet, she became involved with a Shi'ar man, Korvak, and opted to stay with him when the team returned.

Christine moved away, and, aside from occasional emails, Kurt hadn't heard much from her since.

He had taken Melinda's advice on talking to Logan and Ororo, at least partially. He'd talked to Logan about the situation. Kurt point-blank asked his friend if he was dating Ororo. Logan replied that yes, they dated sometimes, but if Kurt was interested in 'Ro, he should ask her out. It wasn't that easy. To be blunt, Kurt didn't like the idea of the lady of his choice dating other men. He tended to get too emotionally invested for that.

He had experienced an "open" relationship when he and Amanda were together, at her insistence. He hadn't liked it, at all. Perhaps he failed as a modern man, but when he was lying in bed next to his lover he didn't care for the idea that he was in a space recently vacated by another man. Kurt swore he'd never do it again.

So, as a result, he backed off entirely from Ororo. Aside from a few questioning glances, she'd shown no reaction one way or the other.

Maybe he just wasn't ready for a relationship.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

The mansion was in utter chaos. The mutant community had been devastated. Overnight, they had gone from a population numbering in the millions to perhaps two hundred. The telephones were ringing off the hook, and people wandered around the premises in a state of shock. Kurt hadn't slept more than an hour at a stretch in the past three days. He had just finished a six hour shift manning the switchboard when his cell phone rang.

"_Ja_, hallo?"

"Blue! Hi, it's me. I'm sorry to bother you..."

He smiled and interrupted her, "Melinda! You never bother me."

"Are you okay? This thing with mutants has been all over the news, and when I didn't hear from you..."

"_Ach_, you assumed the vorst. I'm sorry, _Liebling_, I've been svamped here. I should have 'phoned you already. I'm fine."

He could hear her sigh in relief.

"It's okay, I know you're busy, I just wanted to make sure you're all right."

"_Ja_." Kurt reflected how the sound of her voice was calming something inside him.

"And your friends?"

"For the most part, ve are all intact. Everyone's in a state of shock, I suppose."

"I can imagine. What're you gonna do?" Melinda asked the last very softly.

"I...I don't know." Kurt gave a helpless, miserable little laugh. "Ve're trying to determine vhere the mutant community stands, right now."

"I know this probably sounds trite, but if there's anything I can do, Kurt..."

"_Ja_, actually there is. I desperately need to get avay from this, for just a little vhile. Do you feel up for company?"

"Of course! You don't even have to ask."

An hour and a half later saw him stretched out on Melinda's couch, his head on her lap. She ran the fingers of her left hand lightly through his hair, brushing the curls back from his forehead. It was soothing, and he felt the anxiety and tension of the past several days fading under her gentle touch as he talked.

"I just don't know how to describe this feeling, Melinda. Vhat happened in Genosha vas horrible, but this..._Gott_. You know, religious extremists are saying this is God's judgment on mutants." Kurt's eyes shone with unshed tears.

"They're zeolots and they're full of it - surely you gotta know that?"

"_Ja, _maybe...but vhat if they're right? I've spent my life believing I am the vay that I am because Gott vished me this vay. Vhat if I'm wrong? Vhat if I'm a genetic mistake?" He swallowed hard.

"No!" She added in a softer tone, "no, Kurt, you are _not _a mistake. That's bullshit. Those guys can't know what God almighty is thinking! They just want the world to think they do. God _did_ make you special for a reason, and, in the time I've known you, I've seen you do more good for the world that ten ordinary men - put together - can do in a lifetime! Don't let a bunch of religious crazies talk you outta knowing that."

He closed his eyes, lulled both by her words and the continued motion of her hand. "I don't know much of anything anymore, Liebling. I just became an endangered species. Vhat is Gott's plan in that?"

"I wish I knew, babe," she answered softly.

Kurt found himself dozing and woke with a start.

"Shhhhh. Look, we're not gonna solve the world's problems tonight, so just take it easy. Get some sleep." Melinda stroked his brow with her thumb until Kurt drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

"Mmmph" Kurt grunted in protest and felt around with his eyes closed, trying to find his pager. He located a pocket, but it wasn't his own.

_"Vas?" _He found himself in a tangle of arms and legs, and opened his eyes. He and Melinda were curled on the couch together, facing one another. One of her legs was sandwiched between his legs, and her face was nuzzled against his neck. His arm was wrapped tightly around her and his tail..._Oh dear, _he thought.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

_Ach, nein! _Kurt hurriedly located the beeper and shut off the racket. Luckily, Melinda slept on. Now he just had to carefully move his adventurous appendage before...

"Whazit?" Melinda opened her eyes and looked around muzzily. Her brown gaze fixed on his golden one in surprise. She wiggled a little and glanced down, "What the..?"

Kurt whipped his tail behind him and grinned sheepishly. "_Ach_ sorry, it's...er...cold natured...you know. It looks for some place...varm." He cleared his throat.

Melinda tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably. "Yeah, right."

"_Nein_, really!" He was saved from further explanation by his cell phone ringing.

"Not a moment's _verdammt_ peace!" He muttered as he answered the call.

"Hello?" Kurt shifted and sat up, sighing. "_Ja, ja_, I'm on my vay." He clicked the phone closed and shrugged. "Duty calls."

"At six in the morning? Jeez." Melinda sat up as well, yawning and curling her feet underneath her.

"Afraid so. Danke...for last night, I mean."

She smiled at him. "Any time."

"_Ja_, I see you later." He noticed with embarrassment that his accent had thickened.

"I'll be here."

The fact that he knew she would burned like a comforting little flame in his chest.

* * *

The mutant community coped, as it always managed to do. Things would never be the same, but that was to be expected. Public sentiment had gone from moderate acceptance of mutants to outright disapproval in many cases. Kurt was as busy as he'd ever been with the X-Men, fighting for damage control. In fact, he'd been gone from New York more often than he was there over the past few months, and he hadn't had nearly as much time as he would like to explore the changing dimensions of his relationship with Melinda.

Their friendship had subtly shifted since the night on the couch. They'd always been affectionate with one another - that wasn't new - but it had increased to an easy familiarity. He found himself going out of his way to touch her, to step close enough to catch the scent of her hair, or brush against her, just to feel the heat of her body through her clothes. At the same time, he'd never even gotten up the nerve to kiss her. He was at a loss. It was completely unlike him. Normally, he kissed first and asked questions later, but then, most of the time, it didn't really matter. He was the devil-may-care swashbuckling hero, who had a reputation of trying to sweep damsels off their feet - it was all fun and games. Some of them liked it and some didn't. This wasn't the same, and a part of him was terrified.

He'd never been involved with a normal woman. There was Christine, but that hadn't really been a relationship. Amanda was the closest to normal he'd gotten, and she was a hereditary sorceress that was a stewardess by day and battled the demons of hell by night. Somehow, Kurt felt that didn't fall under most people's definition of "normal".

Melinda cared about him, he knew that without a doubt. She'd never shown any reluctance regarding his appearance, but did that apply only so long as he kept his distance romantically? He couldn't bear the thought of her turning away from him in disgust. Kurt felt like he was teetering on the brink of something, and if he took just one more step, he'd never be able to go back.

So far, he'd kept her separate from his life with the X-Men. None of his friends knew about her, or even where he went so often. Logan had teased him about having a girl, but he hadn't taken the bait. Why didn't he want them to know? He just wasn't sure. Kurt supposed it was because a part of him wanted to have something all to himself. He wanted something that he didn't have to share with the X-Men. Kurt was ashamed of his behavior. They'd been his family all of his adult life.

Melinda seemed to have no such compunctions. He'd met several of her co-workers and friends, and he was now invited for dinner at her parents' house this weekend, for Melinda's birthday. Kurt was feeling very ambivalent about that. What would they possibly think of someone like him, especially in the aftermath of recent events?


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter Five**_

"So are ve teleporting or driving?" Kurt asked as Melinda ran a brush through her hair.

"That's up to you. I don't mind avoiding traffic on the Jersey turnpike if you want to bamf us there."

He admired her from the corner of his eye as she straightened her skirt and picked up her purse to leave. She was wearing a white, embroidered peasant blouse with a long denim skirt for the occasion, and her reddish brown hair was hanging loose to her shoulders instead of in its usual barrette.

"Have I told you that you look lovely today?"

She blushed and shot him a pleased smile. "You're just saying that because you've never seen me in girl clothes."

"There is that, but I'm also saying it because it's true." He winked at her.

"Charmer. Have I told you thanks for doing this?"

"Only several dozen times," he quipped.

"Really though, I'm glad you're coming. My birthday wouldn't be the same without you around. But now, c'mon, Ma's gonna have a duck if we're late." She linked her arm through his.

"Ve vouldn't vant that. Besides, I prefer geese."

"Oh you're full of it today, aren't you, Blue?" Melinda grinned.

Several bamfs later, and they stood on the front porch of a modest house in the suburbs.

Kurt tried to quell his sudden attack of nerves as Melinda opened the door on a roomful of her family. _Just think of it like a performance,_ he reminded himself. A momentary blanket of silence fell over the gathering, before an older woman bustled to the door to greet them.

"Melinda, baby, you look so pretty! And you're actually on time, for once!" The woman caught Melinda in a quick embrace, then turned her attention to Kurt.

"You must be Mr. Wagner, we've heard so much about you. I'm Melinda's mother, Eileen." She smiled.

"It's Kurt. And it's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Dabrowski." He gave her his most charming smile and bent forward to take her hand and kiss it.

"OH! Will you look at that!" Mrs. Dabrowski blushed like a school girl and giggled. "Al, you need to take lessons!"

From the corner of his eye, Kurt saw Melinda hide a smile behind her hand. By that time, the presumed Mr. Dabrowski had joined them. He was a heavyset and balding man with half-moon spectacles perched on his nose. "Lessons my ass. Ma, let the the kids in the house fer Chrissake."

As they moved into the living room, Mr. Dabrowski offered Kurt a handshake. "Ain't gonna kiss my hand too, are ya?" He winked.

Kurt smiled and shook his head. Mentally, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Introductions were made all around. Both of her brothers and their respective families were present and five children under the age of ten ran amuck around the adults. A ball game blared on the television, and someone pushed a beer into Kurt's hand. It was a chaotic, but very warm family scene. Surprisingly, he found himself relaxing. Within a few minutes, they were all seated around the dinner table, and the easy conversation continued.

"Guess we don't have to ask what you do for a living, do we Kurt?" One of Melinda's brothers joked. James, that was his name, Kurt remembered.

"_Nein_, I suppose not. Vhat about you?" Kurt smiled and took a bite of chicken salad.

"I work down at AEFA. Metal-working." James stood up and retrieved the toddler that was trying to pull Kurt off the chair by his tail. "Cut it out, kiddo."

Kurt grinned down at the little boy. "He's cute. Vhat age is he?"

"Two, an' he's a handful."

"We're so glad you could make it, Kurt." Mrs. Dabrowski smiled over at him.

"Vell, I vouldn't vant to miss Melinda's birthday celebration."

"Hey, will ya get a load of that, yer not the only one that calls her 'Melinda', Ma." Mark piped up with a chuckle.

Kurt looked at Melinda with a bit of confusion.

She smiled and answered his questioning look, "Most people just call me 'Linda'."

"Oh, you never told me, I'm sorry."

"No big deal. You kinda make my old granny name sound exotic, with the accent." She grinned.

The rest of the day was equally as enjoyable. Linda's father and brothers sat down to enjoy the ball game. Her mother and sisters-in-law chatted in the kitchen, and, before long, the rest of the children had joined the adventurous toddler in approaching Kurt. He was quickly deemed acceptable, especially after he showed them how he could walk on his hands and do a standing back flip. All of this normal family activity was as foreign to Kurt as a visit to the moon would have been for Linda. He loved it. Today gave him a taste of what most men took for granted.

"I'm gonna steal yer fella for a few minutes before ya head out, Linda-Lou." Mr. Dabrowski said, as Kurt and Linda started the extensive leave-taking process later that day.

"Dad..." Linda gave her father a warning look.

"What?" He gazed at her innocently. "Just wanna have a little man to man. You don't mind, do you Kurt?"

_Uh oh, _Kurt thought. "Of course not." He followed Mr. Dabrowski into his study and watched as he shut the door.

"Scotch?"

"_Ja, danke_."

Mr. Dabrowski handed him a drink. "Linda's been seeing you awhile now, ain't she?"

"Vell, ve're good friends, Mr. Dabrowski."

He looked at Kurt over the top of his glasses. "Uh huh, whatever you kids call it these days, and it's Al."

"Ve really are just friends." Kurt shifted uncomfortably.

"Did you know Linda was awarded a medal in Afghanistan?" Mr. Dabrowski pointed at a framed military commendation on the wall.

"_Nein_, though she told me she had been a medic vhile she vas there." She had actually only mentioned it in passing. The war and her involvement wasn't something she liked to discuss.

"Yeah, she was wounded in the line of duty. She doesn't talk about it much, but she saved some people that day - other soldiers, ya know?" The tone of his voice was obviously proud.

"She's a remarkable voman."

"That she is. Ain't got a head fulla fluff like some of 'em. Smart girl."

Kurt nodded.

"She didn't wanna be there. Did she tell ya that?"

"_Ja_, she mentioned it."

"Wasn't somethin' she believed in, but she's a girl that keeps her promises. When she signed up, she promised old Uncle Sam that she'd do her duty, so she did." Mr Dabrowski shook his head.

He continued, "a man kinda expects to have to worry about sons, ya know, doing stuff like that. It ain't something ya think about when the nurse hands ya a little baby girl after she's born. But then I never expected her ta get tangled up with the likes of you, either."

Kurt felt like he'd been struck. He was so sure he'd been accepted today - now this. The betrayal was almost more than he could bear. Calling on long practice, he schooled his features into a mask of pleasantness. The man was still Linda's father.

"I expect it vas a surprise, _ja_." He politely sipped his drink.

"Got that right. I see you people on the news all the time, blowing stuff up, killing people, wiping out whole city blocks with the wave of a hand. It's everywhere. It ain't goin' away, either. My kid could be walking down the street, minding her own business and get blown the hell away 'cause some mutant guy had a bad day. How's an ordinary man like me suppose ta keep my kids safe from that?" Mr. Dabrowski looked at Kurt steadily.

"I understand, Mr. Dabr...Al. I can understand that you might not vish your daughter to be around someone like me, but I assure you, I've done nothing to endanger her. I cannot help the vay I vas born." Kurt's chest ached.

"Yer missing my point. I said an ordinary guy can't keep my kid safe, but ya ain't no ordinary guy, are ya?"

"_Nein_, I'm not." Kurt wondered where this was going.

"If somethin' happened, ya could get my little girl somewhere safe, right?" He looked over with an unreadable expression.

Kurt nodded slowly. "If Linda vas in danger, I vould protect her or die trying, _ja_."

Mr. Dabrowski grinned then. "That's all I wanted ta know." He clapped Kurt on the back. "C'mon, natives are probably gettin' restless out there."

Kurt stood there stunned for a moment, before he smiled. As they walked back to join the others, he heard Al muttering under his breath, "Guess I can get used ta the idea of blue grandkids. Could be worse, might be green."

* * *

By the time they arrived back at Linda's apartment, Kurt was feeling positively euphoric.

"So what did you and Dad talk about?" she asked for the third time.

They were standing in the kitchen sharing a beer while the radio played in the background.

Kurt smiled. She was tenacious, he'd give her that. "Ve talked about a lot of things."

"Like?" Linda eyed him with a grin.

"I told you already - current events, your time in the service, families. Just normal things."

"Uh huh."

Kurt turned up the radio. "How about a birthday dance?" The sound of Dusty Springfield filled the kitchen.

"Yeah, ok, I'll let you off the hook for now. You sure your toes are up for a dance? I mauled them pretty bad last time." Linda put the beer on the counter.

"_Ja_, und you've improved immensely. There is hope yet." He took her in his arms and twirled her around in time to the music.

"Thanks to you." She smiled up at him but kicked off her shoes to be on the safe side.

_The only one who could ever reach me_

_ Was the son of a preacher man_

_ The only boy who could ever teach me_

_ Was the son of a preacher man_

_ Yes he was, he was, ooh, he was_

Linda sang softly along with the song. "You know, there's nothing like these old songs. I grew up listening to stuff like this."

"_Ja_, me too."

"Really? No German oompah music?" She grinned mischievously.

"Ha ha, very funny. _Nein_, no oompah music."

They were both laughing by the time the song ended and Van Morrison started singing about _Crazy Love_. Kurt smiled and pulled her closer for a slow dance. "See, now I like this kind of dancing, especially vith a beautiful voman in my arms."

She rested her hands on his shoulders and smiled into his eyes. "Mmmhmm, this is pretty nice, though I don't see how you can call standing and swaying to music 'dancing'."

"There's music and ve're moving, so it's dancing." He inched his face closer to hers.

Linda didn't reply, but lifted her face towards him. Kurt gently brushed her lips with a kiss. That softest of touches sent a jolt of electricity straight down his spine. His tail wrapped around her calf, squeezing, and he tightened his arms around her waist, moving his mouth over hers. She responded by melting against him. Her hands slid up, and into his hair as she opened her mouth to his deepening kiss. That slow, leisurely exploration soon developed insistence and heat, their rising passion evident in ragged breath and soft moans. Kurt felt like he was burning. He couldn't get close enough to her, and he slid his hands up and down her body in the attempt. Linda moved her mouth hungrily against him, her hands sliding underneath his shirt. Her fingers explored the texture of his fur and he delighted in the sensation.

It was like a dam had burst, and everything that had been building between them for so long was at last free. It was a devouring tide that neither of them could stop. Gasping, his eyes darkened to a deep amber, Kurt looked at Linda with a silent question. She nodded, and he lifted her, making his way into the bedroom.

* * *

When it was over, they lay for long minutes while their breathing returned to normal. He nuzzled her face in a gentle kiss and rolled on his back, pulling her to rest on his chest. She brushed her face against his fur and sighed contentedly.

"Wow," she breathed.

Kurt smiled. "_Ja_, my sentiments exactly."

"Happy birthday to me," she said, grinning.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. "_Ich liebe dich, mein Engelchen_. Happy Birthday."

She lifted her face and peered at him. "Sounds pretty. Translate?"

"I said 'I love you, my little angel." He gazed at her, the corners of his mouth tugged into a gentle smile.

Her dark eyes filled with emotion as she looked at him. "I love you too, Blue."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter Six**_

Kurt sat in the hanger below the mansion, smiling to himself and remembering yesterday morning.

He supposed it was nothing special, just an ordinary morning with Linda. It had been early, around seven, and they had just finished a breakfast of cold cereal. Linda, who wasn't a morning person, was still shuffling around in her bathrobe and slippers, while Kurt was at his most energetic and cheerful.

"Smile _Engelchen_, it's a lovely day!"

"Grzzlph," she replied, giving him a bleary-eyed look.

"Vhat vas that? I didn't quite catch it," he grinned playfully.

She looked at him with narrowed eyes and sipped her cup of coffee. "How can you be so...so..._awake_ at this time of day? I mean we were frisking around the bedroom until three this morning, not that I'm complaining."

He chuckled. They certainly had been.

"Because the sun is shining and I am in the presence of the voman I love, vhat more reason do I need?"

She shook her head, smiling. "You're incorrigible."

He hummed along with the radio, and then stood, dragging her up to dance.

"Kurt! What are you doing?"

"I'm dancing vith you, vhat does it look like?"

"It's seven in the morning!" she complained.

He held her close and sang into her ear.

_Sloopy lives in a very bad part of town (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)_

_ And everybody, yeah, tries to put my Sloopy down (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)_

_ Sloopy, I don't care what your daddy do (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh) _

_ 'Cause you know, Sloopy, girl, I'm in love with you _

She burst into giggles. "Mr. Wagner, you do many things well, but singing is _not_ one of them."

"_Ach_, I'm vounded, und I thought I vas the next Kid Rock!" He swept her up into his arms and one of her slippers flew across the room, landing in the cereal bowl with a splash. By that time, they were both laughing so hard Kurt could barely remain standing. He carried her to the bedroom and dropped her on the bed.

She had been late for work, but he didn't think she minded.

* * *

"What's 'er name?" Logan's question pulled Kurt from his reverie.

"Hmm, vhat?"

Logan smiled through a cloud of cigar smoke. "We're goin' through some o' the worst times in mem'ry, what with there bein' only a handful o' mutants left, lookin' fer that mutant kid, an' sentinels on the doorstep outside. But here ya are, lookin' off inta space and grinnin' like a fool. Been doin' it since this summer, so what's 'er name?"

Kurt tried, unsuccessfully, to wipe the smile off his face, then rubbed the back of his neck. There was no denying it, the past few months had been wonderful. It wasn't that he didn't understand the gravity of the situation that the X-Men and mutants in general were facing, he did. It was just that he was happy - truly happy - for the first time in years. He had just opened his mouth to confide everything to Logan when Ororo swept into the hanger, her cape fluttering behind her and both Warren and Piotr in tow.

"Let's move out, team."

* * *

_Several weeks later_

It was over.

Kurt sat looking out the window, and nursed his drink. The grief he felt was a physical pain, gnawing at his guts. After all these years, the X-Men had disbanded. The mansion was destroyed, and everyone had gone their separate ways. What was he going to do now?

The key rattling in the door announced Linda's arrival home. She walked in with her arms full of groceries. Kurt stood and laboriously walked over to help her, leaning heavily on his cane. His wound still ached horribly.

"I got this, babe, just sit down. You'll pull your stitches loose again." Linda looked at him with concern.

He sighed with disgust at his own handicap, but relented, returning to his chair.

"How vas vork?" Kurt tried to sound pleasantly interested.

"Fine. Justin Erondo - that kid I told you about with the brother in juvie - seems to finally be settling down. He's staying with his grandma now, so the home life is better. Danny and Carla are getting married. The wedding's in September and we're invited. Next week they're..." Her voice trailed off as it became obvious he wasn't paying attention. She sighed and finished putting up the groceries, banging the cabinet doors.

"Vhat? I'm sorry, I didn't catch the last thing you said. Ve're invited to visit Justin's grandmother's?"

Linda gave him tired look. "We're invited to a wedding."

"Who's getting married?"

"Never mind. Have you heard back from your friend, Piotr, yet?" She sat down across from him with a cup of coffee.

"_Nein_, he said it might be a couple of weeks."

"What about Logan?"

Kurt shook his head. "He has alvays had much more going on then just the X-Men. He'll probably be in touch vhen he has the time."

"Ororo?"

"_NEIN_. Vhat is vith all the questions?" His voice sharpened in irritation.

She looked at her hands. "Sorry, I was just making conversation. What sounds good for dinner?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm not hungry." Kurt finished his drink and poured another.

Linda eyed the nearly empty bottle of scotch and stood up to start dinner.

With her back to him, she asked, "how long are you going to do this?"

"Do vhat?"

"Sit here drunk and moping."

"Vhat, you expect me to be happy und cheerful? Perhaps I should do a juggling routine for you or valk on my hands? Oh, I'm sorry, you'll have to vait for my vounds to heal for that," he said bitterly.

Her shoulders tensed at his harsh tone, but she didn't turn to look at him. "I just thought maybe we could talk about it."

"Vhat is there to talk about? I'm a vashed up hero vith nowhere to go."

"Kurt..." Her tone was a mix of frustration and compassion.

The muscles in his jaw clenched as he continued to stare out the window.

"Look, you _have_ somewhere to go. You're here. I happen to like having you around." She gave him a hesitant smile. He didn't return it.

He heaved a sigh and put his hand over his eyes. "_Ach_, I know_ Liebling_, I'm sorry, it's just..." Kurt didn't finish the thought.

Her smile faded. "Why don't you call Logan and invite him over for dinner? You said he had an apartment in New York. All this time, and I've never even met him - or any of them." She forced a playful tone to her voice. "The way you act, I almost think your friends don't know a thing about me."

Kurt didn't answer.

Linda stopped what she was doing and turned slowly to face him, comprehension dawning on her face. "They don't, do they?" She asked softly.

He avoided her probing gaze and stared at his glass.

She looked at the toes of her shoes. "Why? I mean, you know everybody in my life. All my friends, my family - I think my mom likes you more than she does me. Why don't you want them to know me? Am I that bad?"

"_Nein_, of course not," he answered impatiently. "Look, you don't understand."

"No, I don't. I thought we loved each other. Everybody who knows me, knows we're together, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Even a couple of the kids at school have come up asking about you."

"That's different. I mean I'm - rather the X-Men - are famous, or maybe infamous, whichever you prefer." He took another long swallow of scotch.

Linda sat back down across from him. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It just does. Look, never mind. Forget it."

"No, I'm not gonna forget it. What did you mean?"

He refused look at her or answer.

"You mean that you're 'somebody' and I'm just a nobody?" she asked softly.

"That's isn't vhat I said. Don't put vords into my mouth."

"Then tell me what you meant."

Kurt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd been spoiling for a fight and now he had one. "I just...you're human. You don't know vhat it's like. Mutants are very nearly an extinct species, but humans - they're everywhere. Since M-day, the mutant community has had an attitude of 'us' und 'them'. They - my friends - vouldn't see you as anything but one of 'them', only you vould have the added label of 'Kurt's girlfriend'."

She listened, her face a mask.

"Do you understand now?"

"Yeah, sure Blue." She stood up, turning away to work on their meal again.

So much for fighting.

He growled under his breath in frustration. How could he make her understand? He couldn't, because he didn't understand it himself. All he knew was that he was more miserable than perhaps he'd ever been.

He felt abandoned and rootless. Worse than anything, he felt useless. What had he ever been other than an X-Man? He'd been a circus performer. Surely the job market for retired trapeze artists was up and coming. But Linda could never understand what that was like. If she lost her job, she could find another. If she lost her home, she had her parents or her brothers. Kurt was angry at her for that - angry and resentful.

* * *

The next week didn't see an improvement in Kurt's outlook. He and Linda were barely speaking, and went through the motions of a life together. He knew he'd hurt her, but they weren't words he could take back. He tried to swallow his resentment and go on as usual. They both tried to pretend nothing had changed.

Linda was sitting on the couch going through some of her files from work. The evening news droned on and Kurt watched it disinterestedly.

"Logan called today," he said, by way of breaking the silence.

She looked up and smiled faintly. "Good. How's he doing?"

"Pretty vell. He ah...he suggested a trip. Once Piotr is back, he said ve could perhaps go to Europe."

Linda sat back and put her work on the end table next to the couch. "That might be something. What do you think?"

He stared at his hands. "Ja, I vas thinking I might go. I...you really vouldn't mind?"

She reached over and took one of his hands in her own. "No, I think it may be just what you need, babe. Think you're up to it?"

"_Ja_, I've recovered from worse. It barely hurts at all anymore, " he lied, and pulled her closer, draping his arm around her shoulders.

Linda curled against him and lay her head on his chest. "When do you figure on leaving?"

"Piotr is due back at the end of the veek."

She nodded. "Send me a postcard?"

"_Ja_, of course."

* * *

There was no tearful goodbye. They both knew that this trip would be a determining factor, both for Kurt and their relationship. They'd made love last night as if it were the last time, and today, they said their goodbyes at the apartment. He was supposed to meet Logan and Piotr in New York.

"Got everything?" She stood facing him in front of the door.

"_Ja_, I think so. Extra toothbrush und all." He grinned.

"Good. You'll take care of yourself?"

"Alvays."

"Write if you get a chance."

"Sure."

Linda swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm gonna miss you, Blue."

He dropped his bag and held her close. "I'll miss you too, _mein Engelchen_. _Danke_, for putting up vith me the past few veeks. I know I haven't been pleasant company."

"Yeah, you were pretty much an ass." She grinned at him. "But that's ok - happens to the best of us."

Kurt kissed her gently. "I should be going."

She stepped back and nodded. Tears stood in her eyes but didn't fall. "I'll be here when you get back."

He walked out the door, giving one final, swift look behind him. She gave him a brave little wave.

It was the last time he ever saw her.

* * *

The trip to Europe had done him good. It felt like old times, travelling with his two best friends. Even better, they received word while they were there that the X-Men had re-formed, and set up a base of operations in San Francisco. On his way to rejoin the team, Kurt stopped off in New Jersey to tell Linda the news.

He'd missed her terribly. The time away had made him realize exactly how much of an idiot he'd acted like. He didn't know if they'd be able to work through this, especially with his pending move across the country, but he knew he wanted to at least try.

She wasn't home, and by the looks of the apartment, she hadn't been in awhile. He wandered into the bedroom and found a note pinned to his pillow.

_Hiya Blue,_

_I tried calling your cell, but the signal was bad. I guess you're out of reach for the moment._

_I told you I'd be waiting when you got back, but I'm afraid I'll have to break that promise. I got called back up for active duty. I have to do another tour._

_I know what you're gonna say, this isn't my fight. I know that. But I'm not going over there for a fight. I'm going over there beacuse it's my duty to do my job and my job is to patch up all those boys that are stuck in that hell-hole. It's not flashy, and I'm not saving the world like you do, but then maybe I'm not meant to._

_I hope you've found what you were looking for in Europe. _

_You labeled me as a normal human, who couldn't understand what you were going through. Maybe I am, but then maybe we're more than the labels the world gives us. For what its worth, you're more than an X-Man or a mutant, Kurt. You're a man, and you're a wonderful one. _

_Whatever happens, I'll always love you and be glad of the time we've had together. _

_ Always yours,_

_ Linda_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven**_

Kurt stood in the chapel, admiring his handiwork. He'd built it with his own two hands and he was proud of how things had turned out. He couldn't wait to show Linda. She was due back in only a few weeks. Kurt's heart beat faster at the thought. It had been so long since he'd seen her and held her in his arms. There was so much he needed to make up for, but he was going to get the chance soon.

The letters she'd sent over the past year, during her absence, had been read so many times they were in tatters. He knew now that no, she may not ever know what it felt like to be a mutant, or to look as different as he did, but it didn't matter. Two people couldn't live one another's life. It was enough that she loved him _because_ of who he was, not in _spite_ of it. That was a rare prize for any man.

He still hadn't talked to his friends about Linda. Things had been strained since they moved to the new base, and he found he no longer felt nearly as close to them as he once did. The X-Men had ceased feeling like a family in many ways, not the least of which was Scott's insistence on an almost military atmosphere. Kurt had gotten into the habit of keeping to himself, lost in introspection. He even felt distant from Logan in many ways, which was something he never thought would happen. Kurt just couldn't fathom his friend's cold-blooded slaying of a helpless prisoner. What had Logan come to? He seemed driven since they returned from Europe, almost surrendering to his dark side. Kurt was worried about him.

No, they didn't know about Linda, but they soon would. He planned on spending a few days alone with her, then he was going to bring her here, and introduce her to everyone.

He smiled and looked at the carved sculpture of an angel that dominated the front of the little church. He thought about his own _Engelchen_, and silently said a little prayer, the same one he said so often. _Please bring her home safely_.

_This will be a lovely place for a wedding, once it's finished_, he thought. He imagined the chapel draped in white.

Kurt's musings were interrupted by Emma. **

"Kurt?" She sashayed in, looking around.

"Emma. Velcome to the chapel." He smiled.

"It's lovely, Kurt. I didn't know you were building it."

"The way things are these days, I thought maybe it could provide comfort. Faith isn't the kind of thing that can be inflicted, _ja_? Better ve have a holy place und not need it." He shifted, vaguely uncomfortable with Emma's scrutiny of his hard work.

"Scott needs you for an operation."

Kurt sighed. "Not the girl? Mit der vings und such?"

"Took off. Not ready yet. And we need a teleporter."

"Ja."

* * *

_The next week_

Linda pushed her way through the crowded airport, a rucksack slung over her shoulder. She hadn't even stopped long enough to change out of her fatigues. She hailed a cab outside and sat back, closing her eyes in exhaustion. She'd been on planes or in airports for the past twenty-two hours. Her tour had ended a couple of weeks early, and she was finally home. Now, she was on her way to surprise Kurt, but her efforts had been frustrated by a lack of flights into San Francisco. The airport personnel couldn't tell her anything, just that there were no flights. So, Linda was stuck in Nevada, at least for tonight. It was frustrating, but still she smiled to herself. It was only a matter of time now. She couldn't wait to see him. There was so much she wanted to say, but, more than anything, she just wanted to be in his arms again, and hear the sound of that soft, almost purring voice. Maybe he'd be willing to teleport to Nevada and meet her here.

She tried Kurt's cell again. _ Dammit, _she thought when he still didn't answer. _Guess I should get a hotel room and wash the stink off first, anyway. _She felt positively grimy.

A half hour later and she was toweling her hair dry in a room at a local Best Western Inn. She tried calling Kurt again and flipped on the television while the phone rang, unanswered. She clicked it closed in disgust. Typical.

A news announcer with slicked back hair and an appropriately serious face stood and pointed to San Francisco on the map.

"_The entire city of San Francisco is still trapped under a dome of unknown origin. The Avengers are present and working diligently to determine what has caused this strange phenomenon. It is still presumed at this time that the renegade mutant group known as the X-Men are fighting against an unknown foe, behind the dome. We've received sketchy reports that there may have been some casualties, but that can't be verified at this point. In other news, there was a minor oil spill off the coast of..."_

Linda didn't hear anything else that was said. She frantically hit the redial button. "Kurt...God Kurt, pick up the phone!" _Please, please, please let him be okay_, she prayed.

_"You've reached Kurt Vagner, the incredible, or at least semi-interesting, Nightcrawler. Leave a message und I'll call you back in a bamf."_

* * *

Uncanny X-Men #502

If you haven't guessed, 'Linda' is the 616 version of the character shown in Uncanny X-Force #25


	8. Chapter 8

_About two years later_

Logan had found the place with no trouble, and now he stood in front of the door with his hat in his hand. He took a deep breath and knocked. From inside, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. The door was opened by a woman in her late-twenties with haunted eyes.

"Yeah, can I help you?" She looked at him with a polite, but faint smile.

"Linda Dabrowski?"

"Yeah?"

He cleared his throat. "My name's Logan."

"Oh." She looked like she'd been slapped, but swallowing hard, she stepped back and gestured inside. "Come in."

He stepped over the threshold and glanced around, his head lowered. The apartment was small and cluttered, but homey. He saw several pictures of Kurt scattered around. There was one of him standing with Linda that hit a nerve. The elf looked so damn happy in that picture.

Linda walked toward the adjoining kitchen and glanced behind her to see if he was following. "You want a coffee or cola? Or would you rather have a beer?" She indicated a kitchen chair, "have a seat."

"Beer'd be fine."

She nodded and grabbed one from a cabinet, getting herself a cola. "I don't know if beer has an expiration date, but this is all I got. It was Kurt's. Just didn't have the heart to throw it away."

Logan swallowed hard and accepted it. "It don't go bad."

Linda sat down opposite and looked silently at him.

"I'm sorry I ain't been here before now."

She shrugged.

"Truth is, I, ah..I didn't know nothin' about ya until I was sortin' through his stuff an' found yer letters." He took a long drink of beer and avoided her eyes.

"Yeah, I figured."

"Yeah?" He looked at her, surprised.

She nodded. "Something he and I talked about before."

Logan didn't know what to reply to that. "I wanted ta come by now, an' see if there was anythin' ya needed, and ya know, answer any questions. Figured ya had a right ta know...well, how it coulda happened." His voice softened at the last.

Her chin quivered and her eyes filled with tears that didn't fall. "Yeah, I want to know."

"Mind if I smoke?"

She silently stood and got him an ashtray from under the sink.

Logan's hand trembled slightly when he lit the cigar. Damn, why the hell was he doin' this to himself? He knew why. 'Cause he owed it to Kurt.

He told her about Hope. He told her about that last day of playing a frantic game of deadly chase with Bastion. He told her about Kurt and Rogue trying to get the kid back to the safety of Utopia, and how Kurt had taken the hit meant for Hope and still managed to take care of her in the end. He didn't tell her the grisly details of Kurt's final moments, or about the agony his friend had died in. She didn't need to hear that shit. As it was, the sight of Kurt laying crumpled in a pool of his own blood, his chest impaled, was one Logan would never forget.

"He went out a hero." Logan finished quietly.

"He was always a hero," Linda retorted. She had looked at him through the whole story, tears slipping silently down her face and a tissue wadded in her hand. Her jaw clenched and her gaze hardened. "The fact that he died as the X-Men's mutant martyr doesn't make him any less dead, does it?"

Logan shook his head and clenched his fist on the table.

Linda wiped her tears roughly away. "You know, everything he was went back to being an X-Man - back to Charles Xavier's dream. He believed, deep down in his soul, that one day it would happen. That people would get past the hatred and bigotry and learn to live with each other - some kinda Kumbayah moment." She shook her head bitterly. "He wrote to me about Hope, that you people thought maybe she was some sorta mutant messiah, that the kid would be able to fix things. Did it work? Did she wave some little magic wand and make it all better? 'Cause from here, it sure as hell doesn't look like it. I've been watching the news, seeing how the X-Men are at each others' throats, that they're fighting the Avengers over this girl. Now we've got one of the X-Men - Cylcops isn't it - setting himself up as what, a dictator? Is that what he is is? Bringing world peace by force? Is that what Kurt died for?"

She stood up and walked abruptly away before she wheeled around to face him. "What the _fuck _do you think he'd say about all this if he was here?" Linda glared at him, her dark eyes blazing with fury.

Logan dropped his gaze and muttered, "I don't know." That was a damn lie. He knew exactly what Kurt would say if he was here.

"It's not enough that he's dead, but now his friends spit on his grave by acting like this? What the hell's wrong with you?" She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest. "Oh I'm sorry, does he even _have_ a grave? Can't very well spit on what isn't there." Linda did dissolve into tears now, and turned her back to him, shaking.

Logan fought the lump down in his own throat and hesitantly approached her. He stood behind her a moment before putting an arm around her shoulders. She made a small noise of protest before she collapsed against him, wracked by sobs. He held her while she cried, rubbing her back gently. After awhile, she calmed and stepped back, visibly trying to pull herself together.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone off on you like that," Linda shook her head.

"Don't apologize fer speakin' the truth, darlin'."

She shrugged and looked at her feet.

"He's ah...I buried his ashes in Westchester, close to the school. Little place he liked on a hillside."

Linda nodded. "Be okay if I bring some flowers out there sometime?"

"'Course it is. Ya can come out there anytime ya want. Can drive out or call me an' I'll come get ya."

She nodded again. "Thanks." She got them both another beer and sat back down at the table. "You know, he thought the world of you, Logan. He talked about you all the time. The others too, but I think I heard more about you than anybody else."

"Yeah?" Logan smiled gently.

"Yeah," she returned the small smile. "You boys got up to a lot over the years, didn't you?" Linda gave a half-hearted chuckle.

"Reckon so."

She paused, then went on, "he was worried about you, at the end I mean. He wrote me about it."

Logan didn't reply.

"He said that, probably more than anybody else, you were willing to fight for Xavier's dream, tooth and nail. I think he just worried how far you'd take the fight. Not that it might not be necessary to do it - I think it was more that he was afraid of what it would do to you, on the inside, to have to be the one, you know?"

He nodded slowly, staring at his hands, those same hands that were so often covered in blood.

"He said you guys talked a lot over the years." She looked at him and was quick to add, "he never said about what, you know he wasn't the type to do that."

Linda went on, "I know I feel like there's a hole in my world since he's been gone. This huge chunk of my heart is missing. I still talk to him, sometimes. If anybody heard me, they'd think I was nuts, I guess." She smiled sadly. "I miss him so much. He just had a way about him - an air - that was so peaceful. When I was with him, I felt like everything would be okay." She shook her head.

"Yeah darlin', I know what ya mean. He didn't even have ta say anythin', just bein' there was all it took."

She nodded.

After a long silence, Logan shifted and stood. "Reckon I need ta head back." He put on his hat. "Part o' the reason I came by was 'cause I got some stuff fer ya. Kurt's stuff. You know, his personals. It's in the car."

She stood as well.

"Figure if anybody has a right ta it, its you."

"Thanks," Linda said softly.

"I'll bring it up." He headed towards the door and turned, looking back at her. "Look darlin', if there's anythin' ya ever need - I mean anythin' - I'm just a phone call away. Kurt was the best friend I ever had."

She nodded, the tears bright in her eyes again. "Thanks, Logan. It was nice to finally meet you. If you ever want to stop by, and talk about old times or something, you're welcome to."

He nodded and said, "might just do that," before he walked out the door.


End file.
